ACT 1
Scene 4

...Kent a purse.
Enter Fool.
Let me hire him too. To Kent.
Here’s my
coxcomb.
He offers Kent his cap.

...how dost thou?
to Kent
Sirrah, you were best take my
coxcomb.

...Why, my boy?
Why? For taking one’s part that’s out of favor.
To Kent.
Nay, an thou canst not smile as the
wind sits, thou ’lt catch cold shortly. There, take my
coxcomb. Why, this fellow has banished two on ’s
daughters and did the third a blessing against his
will. If thou follow him, thou must needs wear my
coxcomb.—How now, nuncle? Would I had two
coxcombs and two daughters.

...Why, my boy?
If I gave them all my living, I’d keep my coxcombs
myself. There’s mine. Beg another of thy
daughters.

...heed, sirrah—the whip.
Truth’s a dog must to kennel; he must be
whipped out, when the Lady Brach may stand by th’
fire and stink.

...gall to me!
Sirrah, I’ll teach thee a speech.

... Do.
Mark it, nuncle:
Have more than thou showest.
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest,
Ride more than thou goest,
Learn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest;
Leave thy drink and thy whore
And keep in-a-door,
And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.

...is nothing, Fool.
Then ’tis like the breath of an unfee’d lawyer.
You gave me nothing for ’t.—Can you make no use
of nothing, nuncle?

...out of nothing.
to Kent
Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his
land comes to. He will not believe a Fool.

...A bitter Fool!
Dost know the difference, my boy, between a
bitter fool and a sweet one?

...lad, teach me.

That lord that counseled thee

To give away thy land,

Come place him here by me;

Do thou for him stand.

The sweet and bitter fool

Will presently appear:

The one in motley here,

The other found out there.

...me “fool,” boy?
All thy other titles thou hast given away. That
thou wast born with.

...fool, my lord.
No, faith, lords and great men will not let me. If
I had a monopoly out, they would have part on ’t.
And ladies too, they will not let me have all the fool
to myself; they’ll be snatching.—Nuncle, give me
an egg, and I’ll give thee two crowns.

...shall they be?
Why, after I have cut the egg i’ th’ middle and eat
up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou
clovest thy crown i’ th’ middle and gav’st away
both parts, thou bor’st thine ass on thy back o’er
the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown
when thou gav’st thy golden one away. If I speak
like myself in this, let him be whipped that first
finds it so. Sings.

Fools had ne’er less grace in a year,

For wise men are grown foppish

And know not how their wits to wear,

Their manners are so apish.

...of songs, sirrah?
I have used it, nuncle, e’er since thou mad’st thy
daughters thy mothers. For when thou gav’st them
the rod and put’st down thine own breeches, Sings.

Then they for sudden joy did weep,

And I for sorrow sung,

That such a king should play bo-peep

And go the fools among.
Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach
thy Fool to lie. I would fain learn to lie.

...have you whipped.
I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are.
They’ll have me whipped for speaking true, thou ’lt
have me whipped for lying, and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o’ thing than a Fool. And yet I would not be
thee, nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o’ both sides
and left nothing i’ th’ middle. Here comes one o’ the
parings.

...i’ th’ frown.
Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no
need to care for her frowning. Now thou art an O
without a figure. I am better than thou art now. I
am a Fool. Thou art nothing. To Goneril.
Yes,
forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your face bids
me, though you say nothing.
Mum, mum,
He that keeps nor crust nor crumb,
Weary of all, shall want some. He points at Lear.
That’s a shelled peascod.

...call discreet proceeding.
For you know, nuncle,
The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long,
That it’s had it head bit off by it young.
So out went the candle, and we were left darkling.

...you rightly are.
May not an ass know when the cart draws the
horse? Whoop, Jug, I love thee!

...who I am?
Lear’s shadow.

...I had daughters.
Which they will make an obedient father.

...thankless child.—Away, away!
Lear and the rest of his train exit.

...dotage gives it.
Enter Lear and the Fool.

...after your master.
Nuncle Lear, Nuncle Lear, tarry. Take the Fool
with thee.
A fox, when one has caught her,
And such a daughter,
Should sure to the slaughter,
If my cap would buy a halter.
So the Fool follows after.
He exits.

Scene 5

...well, th’ event.
Enter Lear, Kent in disguise, Gentleman, and Fool.

...delivered your letter.
If a man’s brains were in ’s heels, were ’t not in
danger of kibes?

... Ay, boy.
Then, I prithee, be merry; thy wit shall not go
slipshod.

...Ha, ha, ha!
Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly,
for, though she’s as like this as a crab’s like an
apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.

...canst tell, boy?
She will taste as like this as a crab does to a crab.
Thou canst tell why one’s nose stands i’ th’ middle
on ’s face?

... No.
Why, to keep one’s eyes of either side ’s nose,
that what a man cannot smell out he may spy into.

...did her wrong.
Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

... No.
Nor I neither. But I can tell why a snail has a
house.

... Why?
Why, to put ’s head in, not to give it away to his
daughters and leave his horns without a case.

...my horses ready?
Thy asses are gone about ’em. The reason why
the seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty
reason.

...are not eight.
Yes, indeed. Thou wouldst make a good Fool.

...perforce! Monster ingratitude!
If thou wert my Fool, nuncle, I’d have thee
beaten for being old before thy time.

... How’s that?
Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst
been wise.

...lord. Come, boy.
She that’s a maid now and laughs at my departure,
Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.
They exit.

ACT 2
Scene 4

...I nothing am.
Enter Lear, Fool, and Gentleman.

...No, my lord.
Ha, ha, he wears cruel garters. Horses are tied
by the heads, dogs and bears by th’ neck, monkeys
by th’ loins, and men by th’ legs. When a man’s
overlusty at legs, then he wears wooden
netherstocks.

...here it suffers.
Winter’s not gone yet if the wild geese fly that
way.

Fathers that wear rags

Do make their children blind,

But fathers that bear bags

Shall see their children kind.

Fortune, that arrant whore,

Ne’er turns the key to th’ poor.
But, for all this, thou shalt have as many dolors for
thy daughters as thou canst tell in a year.

...small a number?
An thou hadst been set i’ th’ stocks for that
question, thou ’dst well deserved it.

... Why, Fool?
We’ll set thee to school to an ant to teach thee
there’s no laboring i’ th’ winter. All that follow
their noses are led by their eyes but blind men, and
there’s not a nose among twenty but can smell him
that’s stinking. Let go thy hold when a great wheel
runs down a hill lest it break thy neck with following;
but the great one that goes upward, let him
draw thee after. When a wise man gives thee better
counsel, give me mine again. I would have none but
knaves follow it, since a Fool gives it.


That sir which serves
and seeks for gain,


And follows but for form,


Will pack when it begins to rain


And leave thee in the storm.


But I will tarry; the Fool will stay,


And let the wise man fly.


The knave turns fool that runs away;


The Fool no knave, perdie.

...you this, Fool?

Not i’ th’ stocks, fool.

...heart! But down!

Cry to it, nuncle, as the cockney did to the eels

when she put ’em i’ th’ paste alive. She knapped

’em o’ th’ coxcombs with a stick and cried “Down,

wantons, down!” ’Twas her brother that in pure

kindness to his horse buttered his hay.

...shall go mad!
Lear, Kent, and Fool exit with Gloucester and the Gentleman.

ACT 3
Scene 2

...Holla the other.
Storm still. Enter Lear and Fool.

...makes ingrateful man.
O nuncle, court holy water in a dry house is
better than this rainwater out o’ door. Good nuncle,
in. Ask thy daughters’ blessing. Here’s a night
pities neither wise men nor fools.

...ho, ’tis foul!
He that has a house to put ’s head in has a good
headpiece.

The codpiece that will house

Before the head has any,

The head and he shall louse;

So beggars marry many.

The man that makes his toe

What he his heart should make,

Shall of a corn cry woe,

And turn his sleep to wake.
For there was never yet fair woman but she made
mouths in a glass.

... Who’s there?
Marry, here’s grace and a codpiece; that’s a
wise man and a fool.

...yet for thee.
sings

He that has and a little tiny wit,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

Must make content with his fortunes fit,

Though the rain it raineth every day.

...to this hovel.
This is a brave night to cool a courtesan. I’ll
speak a prophecy ere I go:
When priests are more in word than matter,
When brewers mar their malt with water,
When nobles are their tailors’ tutors,
No heretics burned but wenches’ suitors,
When every case in law is right,
No squire in debt, nor no poor knight;
When slanders do not live in tongues,
Nor cutpurses come not to throngs,
When usurers tell their gold i’ th’ field,
And bawds and whores do churches build,
Then shall the realm of Albion
Come to great confusion;
Then comes the time, who lives to see ’t,
That going shall be used with feet.
This prophecy Merlin shall make, for I live before
his time.
He exits.

Scene 4

...old doth fall.
Enter Lear, Kent in disguise, and Fool.

...then I’ll sleep.
Fool exits.

...half! Poor Tom!
Enter Fool.
Come not in here, nuncle; here’s a spirit. Help
me, help me!

...hand. Who’s there?
A spirit, a spirit! He says his name’s Poor Tom.

...’em all?
Nay, he reserved a blanket, else we had been all
shamed.

...alow, loo, loo.
This cold night will turn us all to fools and
madmen.

...off his clothes.
Prithee, nuncle, be contented. ’Tis a naughty
night to swim in. Now, a little fire in a wild field
were like an old lecher’s heart—a small spark, all
the rest on ’s body cold.

Enter Gloucester, with a torch.
Look, here comes a walking fire.

...a British man.”
They exit.

Scene 6

...reward your kindness!
Enter Lear, Edgar in disguise, and Fool.

...the foul fiend.
Prithee, nuncle, tell me whether a madman be a
gentleman or a yeoman.

...king, a king!
No, he’s a yeoman that has a gentleman to his
son, for he’s a mad yeoman that sees his son a
gentleman before him.

...bites my back.
He’s mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a
horse’s health, a boy’s love, or a whore’s oath.

...Bessy, to me—
sings
Her boat hath a leak,
And she must not speak
Why she dares not come over to thee.

...king her father.
Come hither, mistress. Is your name Goneril?

...cannot deny it.
Cry you mercy, I took you for a joint stool.

...i’ th’ morning.
And I’ll go to bed at noon.

...Come, come away.
All but Edgar exit, carrying Lear.