ACT 1
Scene 1
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.
...an old coat.
The dozen white louses do become an old
coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar
beast to man and signifies love.
...may, by marrying.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
...Not a whit.
Yes, py ’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your
coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John
Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you,
I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compromises
between you.
...is a riot.
It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There
is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you,
shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear
a riot. Take your visaments in that.
...should end it.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
it. And there is also another device in my prain,
which peradventure prings goot discretions with
it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master
Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
...like a woman?
It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just
as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of
moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon
his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
give, when she is able to overtake seventeen
years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our
pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between
Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
...seven hundred pound?
Ay, and her father is make her a petter
penny.
...has good gifts.
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is
goot gifts.
...Is Falstaff there?
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I
do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech
you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat
the door for Master Page. He knocks.
What ho?
Got pless your house here.
... Who’s there?
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and
Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender,
that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
...office between you.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
...be laughed at.
Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
...you tell, cousin?
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand;
there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand:
that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page);
and there is myself (fidelicet myself); and the three
party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.
...it between them.
Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my
notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the
cause with as great discreetly as we can.
...hears with ears.
The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this,
“He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.
...this true, Pistol?
No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.
...his five sentences.
It is “his five senses.” Fie, what the ignorance
is!
...with drunken knaves.
So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
...I do, sir.
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I
will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
of it.
...I stand here.
But that is not the question. The question is
concerning your marriage.
...the point, sir.
Marry, is it, the very point of it—to Mistress
Anne Page.
...any reasonable demands.
But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;
for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of
the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?
...would do reason.
Nay, Got’s lords and His ladies! You must
speak positable, if you can carry her your desires
towards her.
...dissolved, and dissolutely.
It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is
in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to
our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.
...fair Mistress Anne.
’Od’s plessèd will, I will not be absence at
the grace.
Sir Hugh and Shallow exit.
Scene 2
...wrong, indeed, la!
Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple.
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’
house which is the way. And there dwells one Mistress
Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse,
or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry—his
washer and his wringer.
... Well, sir.
Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter
(handing him a paper),
for it is a ’oman that altogether’s
acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page;
and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit
your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray
you, be gone. I will make an end of my dinner;
there’s pippins and cheese to come.
They exit.
ACT 3
Scene 1
...heels, Jack Rugby.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans (with a book and a sword) and Simple (carrying Sir Hugh’s gown).
I pray you now, good Master Slender’s servingman
and friend Simple by your name, which
way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls
himself doctor of physic?
...the town way.
I most fehemently desire you, you will also
look that way.
...I will, sir.
Pless my soul, how full of cholers I am, and
trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived
me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his
urinals about his knave’s costard when I have good
opportunities for the ’ork. Pless my soul! (Sings.)
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals.
There will we make our peds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow—
Mercy on me, I have a great dispositions to cry. (Sings.)
Melodious birds sing madrigals—
Whenas I sat in Pabylon—
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals.
...way, Sir Hugh.
He’s welcome. (Sings.)
To shallow rivers, to whose falls—
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
...stile, this way.
Pray you, give me my gown—or else keep it
in your arms.
...good Sir Hugh!
God pless you from His mercy sake, all of
you!
...raw rheumatic day?
There is reasons and causes for it.
...office, Master Parson.
Fery well. What is it?
...his own respect.
What is he?
...renowned French physician.
Got’s will and His passion of my heart! I had
as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
... Why?
He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates
and Galen—and he is a knave besides, a cowardly
knave as you would desires to be acquainted
withal.
...comes Doctor Caius.
Caius and Sir Hugh offer to fight.
...hack our English.
Page and Shallow disarm Caius and Sir Hugh.
...not meet-a me?
aside to Caius
Pray you, use your patience.
(Aloud.)
In good time.
...dog, John ape.
aside to Caius
Pray you, let us not be
laughing-stocks to other men’s humors. I desire
you in friendship, and I will one way or other
make you amends. (Aloud.)
By Jeshu, I will knog
your urinal about your knave’s cogscomb.
...I did appoint?
As I am a Christians soul, now look you, this
is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine
Host of the Garter.
...us, ha, ha?
This is well! He has made us his vloutingstog.
I desire you that we may be friends, and let
us knog our prains together to be revenge on this
same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of
the Garter.
...deceive me too.
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you,
follow.
Sir Hugh, Caius, Simple, and Rugby exit.
Scene 2
...I will go.
Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Evans, Doctor Caius, and Rugby.
...you go, gentles?
Have with you to
see this monster.
They exit.
Scene 3
...Mead. Quickly! Come.
Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.
...Follow me, gentlemen.
This is fery fantastical humors and
jealousies.
...of his search.
Page, Sir Hugh, and Caius exit.
...to have amends.
Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, and Sir Hugh.
...must bear it.
If there be anypody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
...suffer for it.
You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
...be so? Anything.
If there is one, I shall make two in the
company.
...go, Master Page.
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on
the lousy knave mine Host.
...all my heart.
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!
They exit.
ACT 4
Scene 1
...here to school.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans.
...no school today?
No. Master Slender is let the boys leave to
play.
...in his accidence.
Come hither, William. Hold up your head.
Come.
...Be not afraid.
William, how many numbers is in nouns?
...“ ’Od’s nouns.”
Peace your tattlings!—What is “fair,”
William?
...than polecats, sure.
You are a very simplicity ’oman. I pray you,
peace.—What is lapis, William?
... A stone.
And what is “a stone,” William?
... A pebble.
No. It is lapis. I pray you, remember in your
prain.
... Lapis.
That is a good William. What is he, William,
that does lend articles?
...hic, haec, hoc.
Nominativo, hig, haeg, hog. Pray you, mark:
genitivo, huius. Well, what is your accusative case?
... Accusativo, hinc.
I pray you, have your remembrance, child.
Accusativo, hung, hang, hog.
...I warrant you.
Leave your prabbles, ’oman.—What is the
focative case, William?
... O—vocativo—O—
Remember, William, focative is caret.
...a good root.
’Oman, forbear.
... Peace!
What is your genitive case plural, William?
... Genitive case?
Ay.
...be a whore.
For shame, ’oman!
...“whorum.”—Fie upon you!
’Oman, art thou lunatics? Hast thou no understandings
for thy cases and the numbers of the
genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as
I would desires.
...hold thy peace.
Show me now, William, some declensions of
your pronouns.
...I have forgot.
It is qui, quae, quod. If you forget your ’s,
your ’s, and your ’s, you must be
preeches. Go your ways and play, go.
...thought he was.
He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress
Page.
...stay too long.
They exit.
Scene 2
...up the basket.
Enter Ford, Page, Doctor Caius, Sir Hugh Evans, and Shallow.
...must be pinioned.
Why, this is lunatics. This is mad as a mad
dog.
...find you anon.
’Tis unreasonable. Will you take up your
wife’s clothes? Come, away.
...This wrongs you.
Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow
the imaginations of your own heart. This is
jealousies.
...Hang her, witch!
By yea and no, I think the ’oman is a witch
indeed. I like not when a ’oman has a great peard.
I spy a great peard under her muffler.
...further. Come, gentlemen.
Ford, Page, Caius, Sir Hugh, and Shallow exit.
Scene 4
...sauce them. Come.
Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans.
’Tis one of the best discretions of a ’oman as
ever I did look upon.
...he’ll never come.
You say he has been thrown in the rivers
and has been grievously peaten as an old ’oman.
Methinks there should be terrors in him, that he
should not come. Methinks his flesh is punished;
he shall have no desires.
...ne’er do ’t.
I will teach the children their behaviors, and
I will be like a jackanapes also, to burn the knight
with my taber.
...for our fairies.
Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures and
fery honest knaveries.
Page, Ford, and Sir Hugh exit.
Scene 5
...are honest men.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans.
Where is mine Host?
...the matter, sir?
Have a care of your entertainments. There is
a friend of mine come to town tells me there is
three cozen-Germans that has cozened all the
hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colnbrook,
of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look
you. You are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks,
and ’tis not convenient you should be cozened.
Fare you well.
He exits.
ACT 5
Scene 4
...to the oak!
Enter Sir Hugh Evans and boys disguised, like him, as Fairies.
Trib, trib, fairies! Come, and remember
your parts. Be pold, I pray you. Follow me into the
pit, and when I give the watch-’ords, do as I pid
you. Come, come; trib, trib.
They exit.
Scene 5
...cross me thus.
Enter Mistress Quickly, Pistol, Sir Hugh Evans, Anne Page and boys, all disguised as Fairies and carrying tapers.
...covers his eyes.
as a fairy
Where’s Bead? Go you, and where you find a maid
That ere she sleep has thrice her prayers said,
Raise up the organs of her fantasy;
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy.
But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.
...us not forget.
as a fairy
Pray you, lock hand in hand. Yourselves in order set;
And twenty glowworms shall our lanterns be,
To guide our measure round about the tree.
But stay! I smell a man of Middle Earth.
...A trial, come!
as a fairy
Come, will this wood take fire?
Sir Hugh puts a taper to Falstaff’s finger, and he starts.
...to your time.
Here they pinch him and sing about him, and Doctor Caius comes one way and steals away a boy in white. And Slender comes another way; he takes a boy in green. And Fenton steals Mistress Anne Page.
sing
Fie on sinful fantasy!
Fie on lust and luxury!
Lust is but a bloody fire
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Fed in heart whose flames aspire
As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.
Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Pinch him for his villainy.
Pinch him and burn him and turn him about,
Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.
A noise of hunting is made within, and all the fairies run away from Falstaff, who pulls off his buck’s head and rises up. Enter Page, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford and Ford.
...upon ill employment.
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got and leave your
desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
...said, Fairy Hugh.
And leave you your jealousies too, I pray
you.
...of toasted cheese.
Seese is not good to give putter. Your belly is
all putter.
...as his wife?
And given to fornications, and to taverns,
and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings
and swearings and starings, pribbles and
prabbles?
...with Mistress Ford.
They exit.